My dearest Alanza,
I’ve been meaning to write this letter for some time, but whenever I sit to do so the words break apart and flutter like snowflakes into nothing. I have so much to tell you, and I fear that I won’t be granted the privilege of telling you myself. I’m afraid a mere note will have to suffice once more.
I have lost sight of our vision. Somewhere in the bloodbaths and the trials, I dismissed the voice of sanity and admitted something rageful and inhumane. It lit within me an insatiable hunger, like a fire that consumes forests and remains yet unfulfilled. I lost sight of what was most important, and I see that now ( at last!) when it is far too late and I am undone. I’m in too deep to go back; this dark heart knows what it has done. I will be punished for my deeds, and I will not fight them when they come for me. I do not fault you for leaving my side to pursue the dream we shared of a nation: proud and united in Theus so that when this war is over, the people will have hope to help them pick up the pieces. They will return to torn and divided Castille and they will make the land beautiful and verdant once more. This dream is not yet over; it lives in you. I know you will see Torres proud again, risen from the ashes.
All this time you warned me, reminded me of who I was and that the work my hands had wrought was not the man you knew and you did not relent. I was so ignorant, like an impenetrable stone. Perhaps that is what I’ve become. Even now I see hope in your eyes when mine have grown dark. I know that all these years I could not give you what you longed for, even though you deserve so much better than anything I could offer. It is too late for even the possibility; I have gone too far beyond reconciliation. If I am gone before this letter finds you, let it set your heart to heal and do not bear these scars of mine. I failed Castille, but more directly I failed you who loved me most. You deserve to know the truth, Alanza. I *ink blots *